My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
