put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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