I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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