i can't believe i had my finger in that
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
