i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Holy sore nipples Batman
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize