i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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