I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
