Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
