I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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