lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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