I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
