This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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