It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
