Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
