either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
