he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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