i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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