u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
