Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize