she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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