This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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