I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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