Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
