I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
