was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
