On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
