i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
