I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize