you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
