She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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