Life is so much better after having sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
