Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
