"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
