So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
