New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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