we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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