How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
