Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
