I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize