I think I won the penis lottery.
false alarm. still invincible.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Still dying that you shit outside
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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