I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
