So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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