I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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