you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
