Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
