I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
