I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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