dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
