In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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