Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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