Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
