I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
