i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
