I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dignity is for republicans.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
