i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
