lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize