do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't turn off my feet"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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