sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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