is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
