Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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