How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
