my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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