I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
