So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
