dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
