OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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