Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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