Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
