I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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