She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
