my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
