can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
