How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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