Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's blow job season.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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