is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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