some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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