Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
