It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
