Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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