Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
