So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
