the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
