you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Houston, we have a blender
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
