If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
