Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
