so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Non-Jews are for practice
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
