best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
