you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
