i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
