I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
