she was so not down for the gang bang
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize