I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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